Hi, It's been awhile
Good things to report. I think that Bryn has worked through the trauma, rage, fear he has had since he became ill and through the 5 years to diagnosis, and is now better able to move forward in his life. He has really made some headway this past while. I see him thinking about time management, not following every impulse in his body and mind, trying out some new things and behaviours, able to be alone, and growing up. Finally.
For the past couple of weeks he has wanted to apply for a job but been too scared to do it. He was so afraid of being fired if he became ill too often. So afraid that he became depressed and couldn't get out of bed one morning. I could understand how he felt and as I work for myself it ha been 30 years since I have been in the work force. I wasn't sure what he would meet out there. I did call Bryn's school counsellor and had a chat with him - he is so great to talk with. He helped me to see that Bryn could do jobs where there is a large workforce - like big box for example so that there are always people to call and fill in missed shifts. We also talked about the fears of rejection that come up for all these kids when they are applying for jobs for the first time. Bryn's fears as always are magnified by his condition.
Well, after being almost comatose at the thought of applying for a job, really blocked, Bryn did go in and apply at the Subway in our neighborhood He got to work and finished his resume and covering letter and rode his bike up there at 9:00 one evening. I was so proud of him. He had a counselling appt. earlier that day and felt more confident and ahd more understanding of what he was feeling.
Recently he has stood his ground to his guy friends and done what HE wants instead of what the group wants, with regards to a bedtime. He kept a promise to me that lasted a whole week - he has never kept a promise to me, always arguing to get out of them and then just refusing. He has felt entitled to do whatever he wants because he got hit with this condition - this is his rage and hurt showing. Last week he told me he wants to grow up, that is what Gr. 12 is for. Yesterday he came home with a plan for his time so he could catch up his homework from his last illness, homework for 2 hours, 2 hours at the gym, and then play time. He stuck to it!! This is not my usually procrastinating son.
He seems to have developed an impetus inside himself also, to do things besides hide in the video games. He has started working out with a few friends several evenings a week, he takes my SLR camera out and takes pictures walking for a couple of hours by himself to do this, all around the neighborhood He is really talented at photography, too. He takes photos I have been trying to take unsuccessfully like it is second nature to him, gorgeous perspectives. He has been so wrapped up in his friends, like they are the life buoy to all his problems. To do something by himself like this, several times, is really neat.
Bryn is finding his stride but before he could do this he had to work through the trauma of all his illness has brought him. I think there will be ups and downs of course and being 17 is not easy at the best of times, but I have seen things recently I was afraid to hope for. I have seen who my son really is when he can feel good about himself and be in this moment rather than riddled with fears, hurt and rage. It is wonderful.
:-)
Cathy
No comments:
Post a Comment