Video games and youth

Hi,

My son plays a lot of video games, hours most days. When he isn't on the games, skyping/doing multi-player and connected with his friends, he is texting what seems like almost constantly. None of this feels good to me - in fact in my gut it feels really messed up. His friends are doing the same thing.  They are hardly ever alone. If we try to limit is we are faced with nuclear explosions. Bryn is a total extrovert - on the scale of extrovison (sounds like a spy technology!) he is off the scale on the high end. I love that he has a big circle of friends and has such a great sense of belonging. He often is out with his friends and enjoys himself greatly with them - many he has known for 10 years. He is different than his father and I in this - we are extroverted but not extroverts in how we recharge - we are introverts. Bryn recharges WITH people. That said, though, he is almost NEVER alone. Is this normal? Do others see this?

I see that this is how his generation is or at least his friends are, but I also know that Bryn hides from his pain by playing games for hours. He has a deep fear he is different than others because of his ALPS, which is also magnified by his age, 17, when they are all so concerned about how they fit in. I call it addiction. I don't believe anyone doing anything for so many hours a day, so frequently can be anything but addicted. It seems crazy to me. And I observe, though, Bryn denies it, that he is more aggressive and FAR less patient when he is on the games or just off the games, in his communication with us. He brings the aggression of these very competitive and highly aggressive/violent games into the world after he leaves them, for a time. I am sure ALPS and the trauma of all of that contributes to his great need to be on these games with his friends and by himself too. But the games seem to be addictive in themselves, too, especially for males. And everyone in his circle seems to be on all the time too - peer pressure seems a big contributor too.

ALPS seems to magnify everything times 5.  Does anyone else have concerns about these games?

We are older parents, I was 41 when Bryn was born, Brian was 43. I am also rather revolutionary - I don't like mass culture, I don't participate in it or have a great deal of respect for it. We didn't get Bryn Game-boys or any video type games at all in his early elementary years, hoping to keep him off of them. Well, Good Luck with that, - it's an avalanche to deal with!!! When Bryn was diagnosed with ALPS he struggled with his sense of loss and of belonging and being different and having no video games became too much for him - he felt different in too many ways. At the age of 10 we gave in and got him a Game-boy and eventually an x-box and off he went into the virtual world. Well, here we are. I hate it - the constant use of them, the violence. I worry about his use of them. He tries to be off part of the time, sometimes, as he has discussed with us and his counsellor, but most of the times he doesn't try at all.

As I write I think it cannot be easy for a kid who wants to be like everyone else to have a mom who is out of the box. I am not weird, don't get me wrong... though I did put purple in my hair, tastefully, of course, recently :-).  Still, he is bombarded with mass culture, and a kid who just takes it all in, doesn't have nor want discretion yet, and his mom is a visionary and out of the box - can't be easy, eh?! Well, maybe I just figured something out - I need to respect HIS culture while espousing my own views - he is not an in the box guy either, his life has shaped him, ALPS and family,  but he is not ready or willing at this age to be anything but in the box...... I think I need to approach him a bit differently, perhaps that will be easier for him.

Let me know what you think about video games, constant connectivity, and kids never being alone, parenting. Whatever else comes out of your reading this. What is happening with your youth, kids, yourselves?

Thanks for reading - I  hope to hear your thoughts and comments!
Cathy