A Breakthrough

"Hi,
We took Bryn to the therapist last night to work out things around my injured finger. He was very upset. she asked what happened and I explained what led to the slamming doors. And from there she led to why he was so angry that he was slamming doors. He said because his mom "always", "never", "totally" "thinks she knows everything" "will never change" "is a control freak" keeps him in a glass bowl and mocks him"-- all very black and white exaggerated comments that hurt me quite a bit because they are just teen drama and not true. Eva worked with that and eventually moved him towards a version of Freedom, which is what he was crying for more of (esp. not to have a bedtime on school nights) which included taking more responsibility. He thought that was garbage at first but suddenly changed his mind. He agreed to get himself up in the morning, take his dishes to the kitchen, turn lights of, clean his own room etc, all of which he has steadfastly refused to do even having been asked a LOT, like maybe a million times. His  condition left him so stressed and upset that anything extra has been too much, including responsibilities - in this way he is less mature than his counterparts at school. Well, he stayed up until 12:30 a.m. which is way too late and that upset me, but I had agreed to this so I had to stick to the plan....I woke up in the night and was really upset, couldn't sleep. But he DID get himself up for the first time ever. He made his breakfast, cleaned up, brought the paper in and got to school all by himself. We actually stayed in bed until after he left having slept not very well for agitating about his late bedtime. Hallelujia!!

Right after the appt. with the therapist we went out for pizza. I was really hurt that Eva had not called him on his hyper-exaggerated sense of victimization - he was really in his teen hormone mind...But he came up right away and said "I'm sorry Mom. I love you" I asked him why didn't you say that up in the therapy room. He said he didn't know - then after awhile,  that he felt pushed into a corner and really scared - I think he means in general. I was hurt still that Eva had not called him on this but in retrospect I believe she had to work with what she had and she did get us around to an agreement to him having this freedom at bedtime which is so precious to him, for living up to his responsibilities which is so necessary to us and him. It worked!! Fingers crossed that it holds!

This has been really hard. He didn't learn this responsibility stuff between 10 and 17 yrs. because of the pain and trauma of the ALPS and diagnosis. He couldn't add anything else with out major tantrums. So he is not mature in this way and he cannot take it from me or his dad at this age now as he is needing space and to separate. But with Eva, he can take it. We are making headway... ahhhhh!  :-)... now it just has to stick! I think it will be a bit bumpy here and there, realistically, but it is definitely going in the right direction.

Cathy